Breastfeeding Woes

Okay, I know I'm breaking ranks with the other breastfeeding advocates when I say this, but breastfeeding is hard! At least for me it is. So much of what you read goes along these lines: Learning to breastfeed can be difficult, but once you learn to do it right it becomes easy. I disagree. There are so many variables, and problems are much more common than anyone likes to admit. Here's our experience.

Problem 1: Latching
This wasn't very much of a problem for us, but it is with many folks. Putting the baby to the breast requires skill, patience & practice. Ezra latched well the very first time, but then I couldn't get him to latch again until a hospital lactation consultant worked with us. It really did take a specialist to help. The young nurse was just as stumped as I was wen he would open up but not suck

Problem 2: Holds
In order to eat, the baby must be positioned correctly. This sounds and looks easy enough until you try it with a squirming newborn, arms flailing. At the beginning I felt like I would never get the hang of it, but looking back now, this was just a momentary issue.

Problem 3: Nipple Tenderness
Everyone kept saying I shouldn't feel a biting or pinching sensation when the latch was correct. No matter how hard we worked, that was exactly how it felt to me. The books say you don't need to toughen up your nipples before the baby is born, but if I could do it all over again that's exactly what I'd do.

Problem 4: Poor Fit
This is one you won't find acknowledged much. I worked with 3 different lactation consultants and everyone universally agreed that Ezra was latching properly. So why were my nipples deteriorating with each feeding? By the way, I mean serious damage and scabbing. Ultimately the consensus was that Ezra's mouth and my breasts just didn't fit well. Luckily this is changing as he grows.

Problem 5: Nipple Damage
Here's the dilemma: Do I stop feeding at the breast for a few days and pump, or do I push through the pain and keep letting my nipples get worse and worse? My inclination was to push through the pain, but within a few days of leaving the hospital my nipples were so scabbed that the milk flow was in danger. Okay, so now we pump and feed with a bottle. Good solution right? Maybe, but after a few days off the breast we had a difficult time convincing Ezra that it really was worth the extra work to eat at the breast. After two short pumping periods we are now back at the breast. This time, because Ezra is getting bigger, the damage is getting less, so we'll push through it this time.

Problem 6: Milk Supply
This is the biggest secret of them all. Many women start out not producing enough milk, but nobody really talks about this or how to tell if this is happening. I was also unaware just how important the first day of milk supply is. Because Ezra had not been getting enough milk (actually colostrum) during the first few days before my milk came in he had lost a good deal of sleep. Consequently, on the day my milk came in the poor little guy pretty much just dropped from exhaustion sleeping 4-5 hour stretches most of the day. He wasn't the only one exhausted, and I thought the best thing was to take advantage of the opportunity to sleep. What I didn't know was that by going without feeding for so long I was putting my milk supply in serious jeopardy. The next day, when an orange substance started appearing in one of the few wet diapers Ezra had had. We found out that he was seriously dehydrated from lack of milk. Thinking the problem was a lack of sucking on Ezra's part, our amazing pediatrician (did I mention he makes house calls?!) suggested that I pump my milk and feed him through a syringe. When I pumped I collected a total of 1/4 ounce from both breasts! (Ezra needed 1.5-2 ounces per feeding)Dr. Ogan recommended supplementing with formula and taking Fenugreek tablets. Later a lactation consultant suggested adding Blessed Thistle to help with let down, and renting a hospital grade pump to help further stimulate milk production. Thus began my sessions of pumping every 2 hours, feeding Ezra through a syringe and then bottles, and a serious lack of sleep! I really don't know how single women do this. I guess if I was in that position Ezra would still be taking formula, because there is just no way I could have made it through this without Nick's constant, unwavering support.

Problem 7: Formula Phobia
In the end we only had to supplement with formula for 2 weeks, but to me it felt like forever. The milk supply was slow to increase, and every time I gave Ezra a bottle of formula I felt like I was feeding him poison. This was a surprise to me because although I certainly understood the advantages of breast milk, and it was my preference, I didn't think I was that attached to the idea. After several bouts of sobbing over the thought of feeding my baby formula, I realized that my issue with formula goes back to my brother Nico. While Nico lived at home with my parents he always ate regular meals by mouth. As he grew older and feeding became less effective, they supplemented his food with formula through a stomach tube. When he moved into a group home run by the ARC they discontinued the oral feeding in favor of increasing the formula. This was much easier for them, but had serious consequences for Nico. His skin broke out in acne all over his body due to poor nutritional balance. He gained so much weight that bedsores became a daily battle. And he gradually lost his ability to swallow. After several years of aspirating saliva and mucus into his already compromised lungs, he died of pneumonia. His death didn't actually happen because of formula. It happened because of the way the formula was delivered. Nevertheless, I now subconsciously equate formula with decline and death. No wonder I cried at the thought of feeding this to my son! Once I realized what was bothering me so much I was able to remind myself that babies are designed to take their nutrition in liquid form, and that this was not going to harm Ezra.

Here we are now celebrating Ezra's 1 month birthday. Happily, the milk is flowing and Ezra no longer needs formula. My nipples are healing, and our fit is better every day. Looking back, the really trying time lasted only about 2 weeks. Certainly adding this stress to the already high amount of stress of caring for a newborn was not ideal, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I wish other breastfeeding advocates would acknowledge how much preparation and support a new mother needs with breastfeeding. Rather than scaring women off, I think it would increase success levels.