First Family Hike

Here we are starting out on our first hike as a family! On our way out of town it seemed that everything was conspiring to slow our travels. Long lines at Bodos, strange noises under my car, slow drivers on country roads. You name it. When we finally got to the trailhead our beautiful sunny day was overtaken by a brief but intense thunderstorm. Turns out all of those delays worked in our favor and allowed us to wait out the storm in the car.

This is the Hazel River Trail at milepost 33.5 on the Skyline drive. We hiked about 4 miles. The path was well cleared, not too rocky, with an easy grade.

One Month Check-up

Yesterday was Ezra's first visit to his doctor's office. He was there for his one month check-up. He now weighs 8 pounds 6 ounces! This is a full two pound gain from two weeks ago. Great news since an ounce a day is average. This means his gain is just above average on strictly breast milk!!! After the challenges we went through in the beginning, I can't tell you how happy this made me.

Another big breakthrough last night was in the sleep department. Ezra slept for 5 hours straight. He also went to sleep directly after eating twice. A pretty big accomplishment since usually we have to walk around for about 2 hours after eating to get him down.

The truth is that I did cheat a bit. After he ate I let him sleep on my chest in the bedroom. I don't sleep well this way, but it's better than walking around. After an hour or so he'll let me put him down. In another couple of months we'll work on better sleep habits, but right now I need to get to a place where I can get enough sleep when I go back to work in 3 weeks.

Looking for the Baby

I'm a very light sleeper, so I'm generally aware when Nick so much as rolls over in his sleep. Tonight I awoke as he was rolling over to find him lifting first one, then another corner of his pillow. I asked him what he was looking for and he groggily replied "the baby." I reminded him that the baby sleeps safely in his bassinet, not under our pillows.

Breastfeeding Woes

Okay, I know I'm breaking ranks with the other breastfeeding advocates when I say this, but breastfeeding is hard! At least for me it is. So much of what you read goes along these lines: Learning to breastfeed can be difficult, but once you learn to do it right it becomes easy. I disagree. There are so many variables, and problems are much more common than anyone likes to admit. Here's our experience.

Problem 1: Latching
This wasn't very much of a problem for us, but it is with many folks. Putting the baby to the breast requires skill, patience & practice. Ezra latched well the very first time, but then I couldn't get him to latch again until a hospital lactation consultant worked with us. It really did take a specialist to help. The young nurse was just as stumped as I was wen he would open up but not suck

Problem 2: Holds
In order to eat, the baby must be positioned correctly. This sounds and looks easy enough until you try it with a squirming newborn, arms flailing. At the beginning I felt like I would never get the hang of it, but looking back now, this was just a momentary issue.

Problem 3: Nipple Tenderness
Everyone kept saying I shouldn't feel a biting or pinching sensation when the latch was correct. No matter how hard we worked, that was exactly how it felt to me. The books say you don't need to toughen up your nipples before the baby is born, but if I could do it all over again that's exactly what I'd do.

Problem 4: Poor Fit
This is one you won't find acknowledged much. I worked with 3 different lactation consultants and everyone universally agreed that Ezra was latching properly. So why were my nipples deteriorating with each feeding? By the way, I mean serious damage and scabbing. Ultimately the consensus was that Ezra's mouth and my breasts just didn't fit well. Luckily this is changing as he grows.

Problem 5: Nipple Damage
Here's the dilemma: Do I stop feeding at the breast for a few days and pump, or do I push through the pain and keep letting my nipples get worse and worse? My inclination was to push through the pain, but within a few days of leaving the hospital my nipples were so scabbed that the milk flow was in danger. Okay, so now we pump and feed with a bottle. Good solution right? Maybe, but after a few days off the breast we had a difficult time convincing Ezra that it really was worth the extra work to eat at the breast. After two short pumping periods we are now back at the breast. This time, because Ezra is getting bigger, the damage is getting less, so we'll push through it this time.

Problem 6: Milk Supply
This is the biggest secret of them all. Many women start out not producing enough milk, but nobody really talks about this or how to tell if this is happening. I was also unaware just how important the first day of milk supply is. Because Ezra had not been getting enough milk (actually colostrum) during the first few days before my milk came in he had lost a good deal of sleep. Consequently, on the day my milk came in the poor little guy pretty much just dropped from exhaustion sleeping 4-5 hour stretches most of the day. He wasn't the only one exhausted, and I thought the best thing was to take advantage of the opportunity to sleep. What I didn't know was that by going without feeding for so long I was putting my milk supply in serious jeopardy. The next day, when an orange substance started appearing in one of the few wet diapers Ezra had had. We found out that he was seriously dehydrated from lack of milk. Thinking the problem was a lack of sucking on Ezra's part, our amazing pediatrician (did I mention he makes house calls?!) suggested that I pump my milk and feed him through a syringe. When I pumped I collected a total of 1/4 ounce from both breasts! (Ezra needed 1.5-2 ounces per feeding)Dr. Ogan recommended supplementing with formula and taking Fenugreek tablets. Later a lactation consultant suggested adding Blessed Thistle to help with let down, and renting a hospital grade pump to help further stimulate milk production. Thus began my sessions of pumping every 2 hours, feeding Ezra through a syringe and then bottles, and a serious lack of sleep! I really don't know how single women do this. I guess if I was in that position Ezra would still be taking formula, because there is just no way I could have made it through this without Nick's constant, unwavering support.

Problem 7: Formula Phobia
In the end we only had to supplement with formula for 2 weeks, but to me it felt like forever. The milk supply was slow to increase, and every time I gave Ezra a bottle of formula I felt like I was feeding him poison. This was a surprise to me because although I certainly understood the advantages of breast milk, and it was my preference, I didn't think I was that attached to the idea. After several bouts of sobbing over the thought of feeding my baby formula, I realized that my issue with formula goes back to my brother Nico. While Nico lived at home with my parents he always ate regular meals by mouth. As he grew older and feeding became less effective, they supplemented his food with formula through a stomach tube. When he moved into a group home run by the ARC they discontinued the oral feeding in favor of increasing the formula. This was much easier for them, but had serious consequences for Nico. His skin broke out in acne all over his body due to poor nutritional balance. He gained so much weight that bedsores became a daily battle. And he gradually lost his ability to swallow. After several years of aspirating saliva and mucus into his already compromised lungs, he died of pneumonia. His death didn't actually happen because of formula. It happened because of the way the formula was delivered. Nevertheless, I now subconsciously equate formula with decline and death. No wonder I cried at the thought of feeding this to my son! Once I realized what was bothering me so much I was able to remind myself that babies are designed to take their nutrition in liquid form, and that this was not going to harm Ezra.

Here we are now celebrating Ezra's 1 month birthday. Happily, the milk is flowing and Ezra no longer needs formula. My nipples are healing, and our fit is better every day. Looking back, the really trying time lasted only about 2 weeks. Certainly adding this stress to the already high amount of stress of caring for a newborn was not ideal, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I wish other breastfeeding advocates would acknowledge how much preparation and support a new mother needs with breastfeeding. Rather than scaring women off, I think it would increase success levels.

Ezra's Entrance

Just after Nick & I were married, our young friend Maygan suggested that rather than Nick & I keeping separate names or one of us changing our name to the other's, we should create a new name: Edgecona. Although Nick & I are too attached to our own names to change them, we now use this name to informally identify our little family. For the record, Ezra's official last name is Laiacona.

My pregnancy with Ezra was good overall. Of course I had the usual fatigue and nausea during the first trimester, and I was lucky enough to draw the gestational diabetes and pregnancy induced hypertension cards. But, the reports on Ezra's health were always stellar, (I especially liked it when the genetic counselor told us that our risk levels for genetic complications were lowered to that of the average 25 year old), and a little extra trouble controlling diet and activity was a small prices to pay for a healthy child.

I was somewhat disappointed when the doctor started discussing inducing labor due to the risks associated with the hypertension. Ironically, the gestational diabetes created a likelihood that Ezra would grow too large, but the hypertension created a likelihood that he would be small. More seriously, there were also risks which could have caused serious trauma to Ezra. Ultimately Nick & I agreed with the doctor that induction was the best option, and on Thursday, March 20th, we went to the hospital for our fist dose of cytotech.

On Friday, March 21st, Nick's 36th birthday, we returned to the hospital for a second dose of cytotech, and by 5:20 pm my water broke and contractions started. After 5 1/2 hours of labor in bed strapped to the fetal monitors I was absolutely exhausted. The baby was in the posterior position, bearing down on my spine, so being in bed was the most painful place to be. Unfortunately, the baby's heartbeat wasn't showing the accelerations that would have given the doctor confidence that he could weather the upcoming storm of delivery, so continued monitoring was essential to ensure the baby's well being. Eventually the doctor allowed me to get up and move around, which did decrease the pain of labor significantly, but by that point I was so exhausted that I needed to be in bed during the seemingly interminable 5 minute intervals between contractions. Nick & I decided it was epidural time.

The anesthesiologist arrived in record time and soon I was looped out on the preliminary drug. I could still feel the contractions, but they were no longer painful. For the record, contractions feel like the worst menstrual cramps you've ever felt times 1000. Back labor feels like someone is taking a shovel and digging out your lower back.

Maybe this is when the vomiting started. I'm not sure about that since my memory of the wretching and dry heaves which swept over me every 5-10 minutes seems to be the first part fading away the way all mothers say the memory of labor pains do after birth. I do however have a great photo of myself, Nick, Ezra & Zoe just after the birth and I'm still holding the basin I became so attached to. I also clearly remember several occasions on which I would point to the basin and croak "throw up!" and Nick would rush to grab it for me. Throughout the labor Nick was by my side encouraging, comforting, holding me.

Somewhere around 4 am the doctor told us it was time to start pushing. He also explained that he had another patient who needed a c section, but he needed me to deliver first, so I was to push with all the energy I could muster. Even with this motivation it took 2 more hours until Ezra Nicholas Laiacona was born at 5:7 am on March 22, 2008. Weighing in at 6 pounds 11 ounces, he was 1/2 pound smaller than predicted.


I'm sure any mother will tell you that the moment her child is placed on her chest after birth is the most amazing moment in life. I cannot even begin to find the words to describe the joy I felt seeing my son for the first time. It was truly like witnessing a miracle. Or experiencing love at first sight. Long ago, in what seems like another life, I used to have a recurring dream of finding a love like this. Somehow, with Nick as my husband, and our son in my arms, I find myself living that dream.